I am Thankful!

I am thankful for the sunshine the last few days!

I am thankful for the bits of color and light in our yard and the neighbor's.

I am thankful for intricacy and amazing design.

I am thankful for a cheery place to relax with my besties.

I am thankful for details.

I am thankful for a truly relaxed seder with no pressure to conform to another's standard. 

I am thankful for loving friendship, good conversation, and time to simply enjoy remembering.

I am truly blessed!

Yartzeit

Today marks the third year since we left.

Those days were so very painful. We learned Torah, lived it, and claimed it as an identity. I took it as one more level of knowing You. That was all I wanted and craved when I first stepped foot there. I was so thrilled to find a place that focused on worshipping You, not elevating ourselves but truly knowing You.

How that degraded over time. Not only did it degrade but I became aware of how bound I was in a very unhealthy relationship. Watching those I held in high regard act in a way that was the complete opposite of what my G-d requires, and at the expense of one whose only desire was to serve and love.

I still mourn the loss of what I had. I will always remember those people and those experiences with sadness. I will always be thankful for what I learned there and the one friend that taught me more about loving others than anyone I’ve ever known.

Blessed are You, O L-rd, my G-d, King of the Universe, the beneficent and merciful One.

A Reminder

"How precious is Your steadfast love, O G-d! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings." ~David

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." ~Yeshua

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; 

it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; 

it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  

Love bears all things, believes all things, 

hopes all things, endures all things.  

Love never ends." ~Paul

A reminder to me...

I Am Thankful

I thank You and recount Your praise, for our lives that are committed into Your hand, for our souls that are entrusted to You, for You are the merciful One...

I'm trying an experiment - nothing new or enlightening - just one I've found myself needing at this point in my life. My trials are nothing extraordinary as many have experienced what I have.  However, this is my story - each of us has our own, unique story not to be diminished just because it's so amazingly common.  Sorry, I digress... the experiment is nothing more than focusing on thankfulness.  It's one thing I don't do often enough  with intention.





So, today I am thankful for:

~ respect
~ intelligent, compassionate court facilitators
~ provision
~ sunshine!
~ fuzzy affection
~ emotional balance
~ transportation
~ a positive self image
~ physical activity
~ a cushy mattress
~ a George Foreman with removable grilling plates!
~ chocolate
~ margaritas
~ heart-to-heart talks
~ permission to cut myself some slack
~ fair and equitable agreements
~ unconditional love and acceptance (why is that so hard to accept?)
~ Psalms
~ intelligent, stimulating discussions
~ laughter

In the words of my favorite blogger: What are you thankful for?

In Remembrance

He Who makes peace in His heights

may He make peace upon us and upon all Israel,

and say Amein.

Blessed be the G-d and Father of our L-rd Yeshua HaMashiach

the Father of mercies and G-d of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our afflictions

so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction

with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by G-d.

Today marks two years - losing an entire family... Having them shamefully and cruelly harm one of HaShem's righteous servants is devastating. Walking through that  immense darkness and betrayal with her has been an honor.

"But as for you, you thought evil against me; but God meant it to good..." ~Genesis 50

Community Defined?

What does it really mean to be a 'tight community'?  I've heard groups describe themselves that way.  But what does that really mean?  I thought it meant that members share common beliefs about their faith and families, accept each other as valuable members, share history, work together for the common good, encourage and help each other.  On a more personal level, it might be described as tight if you know:

- their likes and dislikes
- know the families
- what makes them laugh and cry
- what makes them angry
- what they like to do for fun
- their passions
- what makes them crazy
- pet peeves
- family background
- upbringing

Then there's honesty and trust - absolutely imperative. Knowing the differences of each person and being cool with them even if they differ from your own, loving them because of how they differ.  Each person brings something unique to the relationship, whether it's two friends, a group or a whole congregation.  Having each others' best interests at heart is crucial, too.  I mean really, not just sorta or when it's convenient.

I've found, though, that I can know all those things about people only to find out I really don't have any idea what's deep inside when serious situations arise.  I can know all those things about a person, spend many hours and years with them and find that I was dead wrong.  Maybe the group isn't as tight as I thought, or maybe I was under some illusion about my own position in that group (I'm sure that was true).  Could be that I didn't know the right definition of 'tight'.  I figured out that it meant 'willing to compromise what is right and believing whatever you're told'...

So, where does it break down?  Perhaps some just can't bring themselves to reveal their true heart to anyone - rigid training, past hurts or violations of trust and safety, personality traits - whatever the reason, it just won't happen.  Maybe it's projecting on others one's own selfish motives and views.  Maybe it's simply a matter of light vs. darkness. Whatever the cause, it can lead to deceit, manipulation and rigid control.

I do know that it takes hard work, concerted effort on the part of all, willingness to put others' before ourselves - to work through issues as they arise, and much prayer to keep our focus where it belongs to truly have a healthy, close knit community.

*this post was written several months ago and never published as I thought it might make life difficult for some.  Time has passed now, and I feel like I want my two cents out there for whatever it's worth.

Another Part of the Journey...

Throughout my life, I've held onto my faith, taken pride in my faith, faith in the Holy G-d.  My faith is the single  most important part of me, influencing everything I do, say and think.  I've considered myself one of very strong faith, clinging to and relying on my G-d in those dark times of life - like 10 years of intense challenges in my marriage (that's a gross understatement, but all that needs to be said), and incredible betrayal within a congregation of which I was a wholly committed participant for many years - betrayal at the hands of those claiming to lead, walking alongside one of even greater faith and unparalleled commitment being brutally battered emotionally and spiritually.  My faith has been tested severely, but the L-rd brought me through these horrific times stronger and more knowledgeable of how better to serve and glorify Him.

However, I paid a price...  I ended up in a state of depression.

I was raised with and fell prey to a line of thinking that said psychology is not true science (something believers did not dabble in) and that depression was really just too much focus on myself.  It's not an actual chemical imbalance in most cases.  If I just got my mind in the right place, had enough faith, ate right, exercised and served others more, it wouldn't be a problem.  Okay, that all sounds good -those are all worthy things to do. I have done them all.

But... I found that I was wrong.

There's so much more to it than that. First of all, the study of the human mind and emotions, how our experiences affect us is something valid and true.  Sure, there are facets of it that are pretty out there, but looking at it from a mature perspective, I can take what I know to be good and true and ignore the rest. It will not compromise my faith as I was led to believe.  Second, depression is real and sometimes can get so serious that modern medicine can be G-d's answer to help in a time of dire need.

 Prolonged or serious trauma and/or stress can lead to a depletion of necessary chemicals in the brain that enable us to emotionally and mentally function normally.  In most cases, you can get to a place where your body can replenish those chemicals.  In some instances, that replenishing does not happen.

So, my experience... first of all, I am grateful for the medication that helps me to function in my life and maintain relationship with those close to me.  In the state I was in, I couldn't function.  I couldn't string two thoughts together or make major decisions some days.  I certainly couldn't participate in relationship effectively.  I felt as if  I was going insane.  Did all this mean that I didn't have enough faith that my L-rd could get me through this? Absolutely not!  I diligently prayed for help, sought wise counsel, adjusted my life trying to make it work so that I didn't ruin relationships that I value so highly, trusted that the L-rd was directing me.

I also resisted any suggestion that I might be depressed and not just hormonal - yes, that's been a huge factor, too.  I tried herbs, meditation, exercise, etc.  Finally, I gave in... He humbles the haughty after all.  Finally, I listened to the wise counsel He sent and let my doctor prescribe something to help.  I thank my G-d for His mercy in answering my cry.

I've heard it said that anti-depressants just numb the pain.  I disagree.  For me, it has brought me back to a place where I can work through those damaging experiences and maintain relationship.  I can think clearly once again.  One day, I hope to be off of the meds, but in the meantime, I am so grateful.  Every day I thank Him for the wisdom, strength and goodness - for the help I need to serve Him better.

You see, I was judging something I really knew nothing about as well as people.  People who walked a path I had never walked.  This is not the only area where I made judgments based on false information or truly thinking that I was being more righteous by avoiding certain things - certain types of people.  The L-rd brought me up short and allowed me to be on the receiving end of what I had done.  I can say that is not a happy place to be - He humbles the haughty... arrogance diminishes wisdom.  Yes, I say, to my shame, that I  have done the very thing that I sought to avoid, and in so doing, violated the greatest command to love the L-rd my G-d and to love my neighbor as myself.

Like I said, I've had a lot of experience with this sort of thing.  I am so sorry for the pain I inflicted on others  in my past and ask that the Holy One keep my perception clear.

What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are. ~C.S. Lewis

A Question and an Answer...

"Surely G-d is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from common human burdens; they are not plagued by human ills. Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. From their callous hearts comes iniquity; their evil imaginations have no limits. They scoff, and speak with malice; with arrogance they threaten oppression. Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth. Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance. They say, “How would G-d know? Does the Most High know anything?”

This is what the wicked are like— always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.

If I had spoken out like that, I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of G-d; then I understood their final destiny.

Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! They are like a dream when one awakes; when you arise, LORD, you will despise them as fantasies.

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but G-d is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near G-d. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

~Psalm 73

Festival of Lights... and Friends

A wonderful time of celebration this year - a blessing it was!

Blessed are You , Adonai

our G-d, King of the Universe,

who sanctified us in His mitzvot

and commanded us

to rejoice in His steadfast love.

Sabbath Meditation...

"O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me."

*from Psalm 143 

Shame on Me!

It's my experience that self righteousness and judgment are far more dangerous in a community of faith than more outward things like drug usage, drunkenness, and premarital sex.   (How's that for an opening statement?)

What?!  Am I saying that those other things are acceptable and good?  Absolutely not. That's not at all what I'm saying.  Yes, those issues need to be dealt with - in a merciful, gentle way I might add.

However, it's been my experience both on the giving and receiving end of self-righteousness and judgment that they are far more damaging, more difficult to identify and eradicate, and in no way fulfill the command of the Master to love each other.  

Whoa, you might say... you've acted that way?  Yes, yes - to my shame, I have.  I actually thought I was acting in a way that lived out my beliefs, in a way that honored my G-d... you know, it didn't fool anyone but me.  All it really accomplished was to repel others, strain relationships, and do just the opposite of what I intended.  It revealed a narrow, self-focused view of the world, and a lack of acceptance of others.  For that I am truly sorry...

What lead me to that?  

A little preface sets the scene:  I've spent my whole life being a part of faith communities in various capacities.  From my time in Catholic schools, folk groups, involvement with the 'Jesus People' movement, Catholic Charismata, Assemblies of God, non-denominational churches to my present status of being a Messianic Jew, it's been a huge part of my identity.

Back to the topic at hand:  To begin with, my motives were good - I truly wanted to honor G-d and live as pure a life as I could.  With the limited training I received, fear of things that I didn't understand, and my desire to be accepted by the circles I frequented, I fell into self righteousness over a period of years, more so when those around me did the same.

We're talking things like not watching 'R' rated movies, drinking alcohol, smoking, any language that remotely sounded like cussing to name a few - not only would I not do any of those, I looked down on those who did...  It was a form of self protection, too - I liked my safe, little world where I let in only those things that fit my perspective.

I would only listen to Christian music thinking that if I listened to anything else, it would lessen my faith and make me look 'worldly'.  You know, all it did was make me difficult to be around and turn people off.  I know now that many just tolerated my narrowness.  Can I say, too, that living like that did not really honor the Holy One or fulfill the command to love my neighbor as myself?  It certainly made my immaturity apparent.

How in the world can I truly show compassion for others and love unconditionally with that kind of world view?  I can say from experience that it's a very selfish way to live. As I've gone through tough times in my marriage, raising a child with Asperger's, been on the receiving end of the self righteousness of others (how ironic), the L-rd, in His mercy, has forced me out of that destructive life style.  Every step of the way, He's orchestrated events and people to lovingly bring me to a healthier, more mature way of living.  Please don't hear me say I've arrived at perfection!  Far from it!

So, let's talk about being on the receiving end of this destructive behavior. Remember, we're dealing with self-righteousness, judgment, and let's add resentment to the list, too.   I've had to step away from congregations because it was so intense - aimed at those I love and myself.  Can I just say that self righteousness is unrighteous?  It's hurtful and not at all complying with the command to love each other as the Master commands.

Like I said before, it's ironic that I ended up on the other side of where I was - tough lessons to learn they are.  Now, I know about working through the process of forgiving those who have wronged me, letting go of resentment, and having compassion for those entangled in the very place I have been.  Again, not a simple, pain free journey.  It's been a journey of many years, many hours of 'counseling' with my bestie and others, many hours on my knees...

I have to say, though, that it's been worth it all - the Holy One has walked me through every step showing me  His might, His sovereignty, His glory as I strive to serve Him.  He is so worthy of all my praise (like He needs my validation).


Blessed are You, O L-rd, my G-d, for Your constant care in even the most trivial aspects of my life. Please help me to love others as You love me. Grant me compassion for the weak and hurting who so often lash out in their pain. Please show me when I act unbecomingly, when I hurt others - cause me to repent and make it right, to obey You no matter what it costs.  Thank You, my Master.  b'shem Yeshua.

“The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world.”

He Has Brought Us to This Season...

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam, shehechehyanu, v'kiy'manu, v'higianu laz'man hazeh.

Our praise to You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of all: for giving us life, sustaining us, and enabling us to reach this season.

 

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haolam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu leisheiv basukkah.

Our praise to You, Eternal our God, Sovereign of all: You hallow us with Your mitzvot and command us to dwell in the sukkah. 

The Most High G-d has brought us to this season of Sukkot.  I am so very grateful for all that He has brought us through in this last year of the festival cycle.   Wow... a full year now.  The journey has had so many twists and turns that I can't even begin to put down in writing all the swirling memories in my heart and mind.   I can say with assurance, though, that we're in a new season with much change ahead, new memories to make, new and renewed relationships to foster, many opportunities to serve.

I see a swirl of memories, old swirling into new.  All to add to this journey we call life - this walk of faith that presents unexpected turns with every step I take.  The heartache is still there, receding and coming to the front again as I trek along.  Three steps forward, two steps back... may every step bring glory to the Master and keep my focus where it belongs - in the present, with wisdom learned from the past to be applied in the future.

We are commanded to rejoice - let it begin!  May His Name be praised - Chag Sameach!

L'shana Tovah!

Tonight begins the Fall festivals as we gather together for Yom Teruah, also known as Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of our year.  We are commanded to sound the shofar and observe a Sabbath rest.

"Speak to the sons of Israel, saying, ‘In the seventh month on the first of the month you shall have a rest, a reminder by blowing of trumpets, a holy convocation. You shall not do any laborious work, but you shall present an offering by fire to the LORD '"  ~Leviticus 23:24-25

"...Sound the ram’s horn at the New Moon,
and when the moon is full, on the day of our festival;
His is a decree for Israel,
an ordinance of the G-d of Jacob.
When G-d went out against Egypt,
he established it as a statute for Joseph..."  ~from Psalm 81

Traditionally, we've taken time as a community to thank HaShem for His many blessings of the past year.  This year was no different except for the fact that I'm now part of a wonderful new community after a horrendous and painful year of separation from my former congregation...

It seems like such a long time since I was actually excited about the Fall festivals - so much angst, heartache, and frustration in past years has overshadowed these joyous times.  This year, for me, is truly a new beginning.  I'm looking forward to this time with more hope and joy than I have for quite some time - old and new friends,  acceptance and compassion.  Healing it is... I am truly thankful.

Tradition has it that we read Psalm 27 in the days prior to Yom Teruah, so join me, if you will, in a time of meditation...

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?


When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.


One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.


Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.


Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.


I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

So You Call Yourself a Leader?

I've been part of many congregations over the last 45 years or so ( yeah, it's amazing how those years creep up on you).  In that time, I've had many an opportunity to observe and work along side leaders.  Over all, I have to say that most of them took their responsibilities very seriously and did their absolute best to be upright and godly.



Unfortunately, there have been a few who took me by surprise to put it mildly.  Things like lying, arrogance, manipulation, covering up sin, employing a double standard, falsely accusing, redefining important terms like lashon hora (gossip) and slander, lack of compassion -  I just didn't expect those things from men in that kind of position. In fact, it was downright shocking, hurtful, and absolutely egregious.  As I've been thinking about it after my latest experience, I came across this quote - pretty succinct, isn't it?

"The vocation of ministry carries such responsibility and demands great compassion – which cannot be manufactured. There is no other job or position in which people allow you into living rooms, hospital rooms and often the darkest places of their lives. And frankly, there are very few jobs that require the amount of love and compassion it takes to truly and effectively care for God’s people. Consequently, to be a leader today requires the constant remembrance of this awesome privilege and the trust that is granted."

So, what does the L-rd  say about those who shepherd His people?  Whether you're in a synagogue or a church, these apply:

"You shall select out of all the people able men who fear God, men of truth, those who hate dishonest gain." ~Ex. 18:21

"wise and experienced men" ~Deut. 1:15

"Then I will give you shepherds after My own heart, who will feed you on knowledge and understanding." ~Jer. 3:15

"And He said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called 'Benefactors.' But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant. For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves." ~Luke 22:25-27

"I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep." ~John 10:11

"He who is a hired hand, and not a shepherd, who is not the owner of the sheep, sees the wolf coming, and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them." ~Matt. 10:12

"Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd." ~Matt. 9:36 

"Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Messiah. But the greatest among you shall be your servant." ~Matt. 23:10-11

"Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money... He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap." ~1Timothy 3

"So Messiah himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Messiah may be built up." ~Eph. 4:11-12

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Ruach HaKodesh has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of G-d, which he bought with his own blood." ~Acts 20:28

"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account." ~Heb. 13:17

"...rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: Love your neighbor as yourself." ~Gal. 5:13-14

I've concluded that leaders/shepherds have a huge responsibility given by G-d.  They:

~need the support and prayers of those they serve.

~need encouragement and to be shown compassion.

~will be held to a higher standard.

~must be held accountable for how they fulfill their duties.

~must be humble.

~must have a servant's heart.

~must have compassion for those they serve.

~must set the example for those they serve.

~must not hesitate to act righteously.

~must take responsibility for their words and actions.

As I said before, I'm glad that most of the leaders I've encountered do their utmost to exemplify this.  I have great respect and compassion for those men and pray for them as I do for those who have fallen so short of the job description.  

A Stand for Righteousness

For those who have been slandered by those closest to them... the L-rd is our defense.

 Psalm 35

Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me;

     fight against those who fight against me!

Take hold of shield and buckler

     and rise for my help!

Draw the spear and javelin

     against my pursuers!

     Say to my soul,

     "I am your salvation!"

Let them be put to shame and dishonor

     who seek after my life!

     Let them be turned back and disappointed

    who devise evil against me!

Let them be like chaff before the wind,

    with the angel of the LORD driving them away!

Let their way be dark and slippery,

    with the angel of the LORD pursuing them!

For without cause they hid their net for me;

     without cause they dug a pit for my life.

Let destruction come upon him when he does not know it!

     And let the net that he hid ensnare him;

    let him fall into it—to his destruction!

Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD,

     exulting in his salvation.

All my bones shall say,

      "O LORD, who is like you,

       delivering the poor

       from him who is too strong for him,

       the poor and needy from him who robs him?"

Malicious witnesses rise up;

       they ask me of things that I do not know.

They repay me evil for good;

       my soul is bereft.

But I, when they were sick—

       I wore sackcloth;

       I afflicted myself with fasting;

       I prayed with head bowed on my chest.

I went about as though I grieved for my friend or my brother;

       as one who laments his mother,

       I bowed down in mourning.

But at my stumbling they rejoiced and gathered;

       they gathered together against me;

       wretches whom I did not know

       tore at me without ceasing;

like profane mockers at a feast,

       they gnash at me with their teeth.

How long, O Lord, will you look on?

       Rescue me from their destruction,

       my precious life from the lions!

I will thank you in the great congregation;

       in the mighty throng I will praise you.

Let not those rejoice over me

       who are wrongfully my foes,

       and let not those wink the eye

       who hate me without cause.

For they do not speak peace,

       but against those who are quiet in the land

       they devise words of deceit.

They open wide their mouths against me;

       they say, "Aha, Aha!

       Our eyes have seen it!"

You have seen, O LORD; be not silent!

       O Lord, be not far from me!

Awake and rouse yourself for my vindication,

       for my cause, my God and my Lord!

Vindicate me, O LORD, my God,

       according to your righteousness,

       and let them not rejoice over me!

Let them not say in their hearts,

       "Aha, our heart’s desire!"

       Let them not say, "We have swallowed him up."

Let them be put to shame and disappointed altogether

       who rejoice at my calamity!

       Let them be clothed with shame and dishonor

       who magnify themselves against me!

Let those who delight in my righteousness

       shout for joy and be glad

       and say evermore,

       "Great is the LORD,

       who delights in the welfare of his servant!"

Then my tongue shall tell of your righteousness

       and of your praise all the day long.

Trust

And those who know your name put their trust in you,for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you. ~Psalm 9:10


But I have trusted in your steadfast love;my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. ~Psalm 13:5


O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. ~Psalm 25:2


The LORD is my strength and my shield;in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;my heart exults,and with my song I give thanks to him. ~Psalm 28:7


But I trust in you, O LORD;I say, "You are my God." ~Psalm 31:14


Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. ~Psalm 143:8


Though he slay me, I will hope in him... ~Job 13:15

He says 'trust me' - O L-rd, You alone are worthy of our trust.  


Even when circumstances spiral out of control, even when things look dark and shrouded in pain, He is right there guiding us, holding us - He alone is worthy of our trust.


It may look like we're being sucked back into the whirlwind of pain and hurt, but He is worthy of our trust.  He will not forsake us - ever.

Hope

"How is it… What I thought was a tragedy,You turned into triumph.

What I thought was the end, You turned into a new beginning.

What I thought was hopeless, You used to teach me to hope only in You.

What I thought would destroy me, In Your hands has brought genuine life.

When I thought my circumstances were out of control,

You pulled back the tapestry of my life to reveal Your Master craftsmanship at work."

From the Past to the Future

So many memories, so many that I hold dear.

Friendships that evoked laughter and many hours of conversation, singing, listening...

Times of study and questioning, digging deeper into the Scriptures...

Taking on the life style and loving it - that's how my G-d meant me to live... each of these brings a clear image to mind, some sweet memory...

Shabbat

Festivals

Tzitzit

Kiddush

Candle lighting

Blessings

Prayers

Davening

Kaddish

Mezuzah

Shofar

Havdalah

So much meaning in such rich traditions. So many symbols to remind me of the G-d I serve and what He requires of me. I will always carry it with me... I don't have to let the bad taint the good - a struggle it is.

It was real, and it was good while the time was right. That time has passed; now it's time to carry forward all that I gained, let go of the pain ( a lifetime endeavor) - how rich the present and the future, but not to be diminished by the past.

Lesson learned: Trust in G-d, not in man.

"O LORD, the G-d of Israel, there is no god like You in heaven or on earth, keeping covenant and showing lovingkindness to Your servants who walk before You with all their heart..."

~2 Chronicles 6:14

Traditions

Every year at Passover, I have a couple of traditons...

*the matzah recipe is from Angie, the idea of using a tortilla maker to flatten the dough is from Liz

homemade matzah

bakin' the matzah

matzah crunch

*matzah crunch is the best way to make that cardboard store-bought stuff taste passable...

Meditation for the Sabbath Day...

I wait patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me and He brought me up

out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,

and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear and will trust in the LORD.

How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust,
And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us; there is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count.

Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired;
My ears You have opened;
Burnt offering and sin offering You have not required.

Then I said, "Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.
I delight to do Your will, O my God;
Your Law is within my heart."

I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation;
Behold, I will not restrain my lips, O LORD, You know.
I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness

and Your truth from the great congregation.
You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.

~Psalm 40:1-11