Shame on Me!

It's my experience that self righteousness and judgment are far more dangerous in a community of faith than more outward things like drug usage, drunkenness, and premarital sex.   (How's that for an opening statement?)

What?!  Am I saying that those other things are acceptable and good?  Absolutely not. That's not at all what I'm saying.  Yes, those issues need to be dealt with - in a merciful, gentle way I might add.

However, it's been my experience both on the giving and receiving end of self-righteousness and judgment that they are far more damaging, more difficult to identify and eradicate, and in no way fulfill the command of the Master to love each other.  

Whoa, you might say... you've acted that way?  Yes, yes - to my shame, I have.  I actually thought I was acting in a way that lived out my beliefs, in a way that honored my G-d... you know, it didn't fool anyone but me.  All it really accomplished was to repel others, strain relationships, and do just the opposite of what I intended.  It revealed a narrow, self-focused view of the world, and a lack of acceptance of others.  For that I am truly sorry...

What lead me to that?  

A little preface sets the scene:  I've spent my whole life being a part of faith communities in various capacities.  From my time in Catholic schools, folk groups, involvement with the 'Jesus People' movement, Catholic Charismata, Assemblies of God, non-denominational churches to my present status of being a Messianic Jew, it's been a huge part of my identity.

Back to the topic at hand:  To begin with, my motives were good - I truly wanted to honor G-d and live as pure a life as I could.  With the limited training I received, fear of things that I didn't understand, and my desire to be accepted by the circles I frequented, I fell into self righteousness over a period of years, more so when those around me did the same.

We're talking things like not watching 'R' rated movies, drinking alcohol, smoking, any language that remotely sounded like cussing to name a few - not only would I not do any of those, I looked down on those who did...  It was a form of self protection, too - I liked my safe, little world where I let in only those things that fit my perspective.

I would only listen to Christian music thinking that if I listened to anything else, it would lessen my faith and make me look 'worldly'.  You know, all it did was make me difficult to be around and turn people off.  I know now that many just tolerated my narrowness.  Can I say, too, that living like that did not really honor the Holy One or fulfill the command to love my neighbor as myself?  It certainly made my immaturity apparent.

How in the world can I truly show compassion for others and love unconditionally with that kind of world view?  I can say from experience that it's a very selfish way to live. As I've gone through tough times in my marriage, raising a child with Asperger's, been on the receiving end of the self righteousness of others (how ironic), the L-rd, in His mercy, has forced me out of that destructive life style.  Every step of the way, He's orchestrated events and people to lovingly bring me to a healthier, more mature way of living.  Please don't hear me say I've arrived at perfection!  Far from it!

So, let's talk about being on the receiving end of this destructive behavior. Remember, we're dealing with self-righteousness, judgment, and let's add resentment to the list, too.   I've had to step away from congregations because it was so intense - aimed at those I love and myself.  Can I just say that self righteousness is unrighteous?  It's hurtful and not at all complying with the command to love each other as the Master commands.

Like I said before, it's ironic that I ended up on the other side of where I was - tough lessons to learn they are.  Now, I know about working through the process of forgiving those who have wronged me, letting go of resentment, and having compassion for those entangled in the very place I have been.  Again, not a simple, pain free journey.  It's been a journey of many years, many hours of 'counseling' with my bestie and others, many hours on my knees...

I have to say, though, that it's been worth it all - the Holy One has walked me through every step showing me  His might, His sovereignty, His glory as I strive to serve Him.  He is so worthy of all my praise (like He needs my validation).


Blessed are You, O L-rd, my G-d, for Your constant care in even the most trivial aspects of my life. Please help me to love others as You love me. Grant me compassion for the weak and hurting who so often lash out in their pain. Please show me when I act unbecomingly, when I hurt others - cause me to repent and make it right, to obey You no matter what it costs.  Thank You, my Master.  b'shem Yeshua.

“The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world.”