What a Burden to Bear...

I'm sitting here at Barnes & Noble in the coffee shop having an Americano and a cookie feeling discouraged about things... this woman came to sit at the table next to me with a young wheelchair bound woman who obviously has mental issues as well as physical, including no comprehensible speech. The caregiver, most likely her mom, is reading to her from her nook, stopping to give the younger one a sip of her frappe every so often...  they only stay for 15-20 minutes, then the mom bundles up her daughter, straps her in to the wheelchair and efficiently wheels her out.  What a burden to bear...

Earlier today, I witnessed what was left of a whole complex of shops burned to the ground just the day before.  Many lost their livelihood and have to rebuild or call it quits - days, weeks, months of clean up and assessing future prospects.  What a burden to bear...

When I think about my own journey of the last few years, I see a burden being carried by my dearest friend that seems even more difficult to bear than the young woman bound to her disability and her chair for life or those having to rebuild their businesses.  I see more heaviness in that situation than for that mother bound to care for her daughter till she's no longer able to do so.  Maybe it seems so much more desperate because I'm so close to it - anyway...

I've seen the gamut of emotions and pain... deep despair and prolonged sadness in the face of rejection and uncertainty, such a soreness of heart that transcends any pain I've ever witnessed or experienced, euphoria at a glimmer of hope, elation at acceptance only to be dashed once again by more rejection, a shoring up of emotions keeping them at a distance.  Memories rise up every day, sometimes every moment of every day reminding her of what we once had.  It would be different and possibly more acceptable if it were a typical relational issue among family or friends, but this involves a spiritual element that takes it all to a much deeper level, a betrayal of trust and friendship, of spiritual mentorship that threatens to undermine her very foundation.

Why?  Why, I ask again... Why does it have to be this way?  Why can't there be resolution or restoration?  Why are there such hard hearts - are those people really Yours?  Was it all a lie and a farce?  How in the world can one move on with such pain?  At this juncture, I don't see it as possible.  So, what then?  Sever connection?  Is that like denying it all?  Bottling it all up, putting it on a shelf?  I don't know, only One knows for sure...

* * * * * * * *

More time has passed since I recorded my thoughts here.  More time working through the events of such a huge part of my life.  Now, new events have eclipsed those of the first writing, though the pain from that will always be a part of my friend and me as well.  Now, new events are shaping my future into something I can't comprehend - more betrayal, more pain to bear, more sadness to be a constant companion, new joys and depth as well... I believe with all my heart that the Holy One is good.  Even when horrendous things happen.  His thoughts are so far above our tiny, finite minds no matter how intelligent any one is or thinks they are.  We can't fathom those thoughts. Period.  I believe He truly 'works all things together for good, for those that are called according to His purpose'.    That's my conclusion...