Worthy - A Piece of My Life's Journey

I've been struggling with so much of late, working through issues from past experiences, seeking wholeness.  One thing after another rises up to be vanquished - dealing with a teen, social trauma (aka spiritual abuse) from a beloved congregation, marital issues, relationships disintegrated, so much disrespect directed my way.

I see dear friends finding direction in life as they enroll in college classes - I share their joy and excitement, looking forward to walking that road with them.  Yet, I find myself thinking wistfully of the challenges they're heading towards.

Wait a minute!  I've walked that road myself many years ago.  I've gotten in the habit of thinking about my time in college as well as my many years in public education as not very important or valuable.  Why is that? Perhaps it's being around those who do not value my experience because of a very limited view of what they consider important.  Unfortunately, and subconsciously I fell into that way of thinking, too.  Wow, no wonder I struggle with myself!

“The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow in a herd, or when they cater for their establishment” ~Emerson

"I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin."  ~

Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

Have I forgotten Who it is that knew my every aspect of my life from the foundations of the earth?  Those years of hard work and study are part of the plan of my life that my loving and sovereign Master ordained.  Therefore, my experiences are valuable and have been instrumental in making me who I am.  I enjoyed those experiences and found them satisfying and worthwhile at the time.  Why was I made to feel ashamed of my experiences?  Why did I take it onto myself? *heavy sigh*

"Do your best to present yourself to G-d as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed..." 2Tim.2:15

Four years to earn my Bachelor's, a fifth year to complete my certification, over 20 years in classrooms covering all the grade levels, working with children, parents, and colleagues, countless clock hours to keep up with the latest trends in my chosen profession.  Yes, I chose to leave it for the sake of my son, and I'm grateful to be out of that political arena now, but all that is still a part of who I am.  Not something shameful.

I also value my many years in Catholicism and various Christian denominations, now firmly entrenched in Messianic Judaism - all valuable steps in living the life my L-rd laid out for me.

I can say that I am grateful for all those valuable experiences, good and bad, that have brought me to the place I now stand. A time of respite and healing, a time to take it easy and continue on the path laid out for me.  It may not be much of a life in the eyes of some, but it's the one I've been given, and I am grateful.

"Would that there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough."  ~Gail Sheehy