Defining Failure

"Failure is part of being a Jedi, too. The one who does not have to work hard for his gifts will one day fail, as we all do. He will try his hardest, he will sacrifice everything he has to give, and still he will not win."

~Siri Tachi

I guess I have to accept failure as part of life, too... maybe it's not about winning, but of how we walked the journey - more on that later. In so many ways I have floundered of late... maybe my timing is off, or I use too many words, too few words, or not the right words, or my words cause unintended pain. So hard... so sad.

Sometimes, unexpected, cruel circumstances force their way in - things beyond my control that evoke a reaction in me that takes others by surprise. Some see my response as weakness, or a knee-jerk that I'll be sorry for later; they may even be hurt by my words or actions - wow, that is so hard.

It is never my intention to cause pain for anyone. To know that others are hurt by my words and actions is painful. Talk about feeling like a failure! I agonize over that and apologize over and over hoping to alleviate their distress somehow.

Then what? How do I discern my course of action? Do I let their response affect my decisions? Or let them view my reaction as a failure or a defect in my character? How do I deal with that? Do I let these 'failures' define me? In retrospect, I have let that happen... I've spent so much time trying to act and think like others want me to just to please them and be accepted. And, I've made decisions (not always wise ones) just to make someone feel better.*

Back to the question - then what? Well, on my knees - pray, listen, cry, pray more, listen more, cry some more... listen to the Master's voice. Yes. There comes a time when I absolutely have to stand my ground and continue on the path the L-rd lays out, whatever the cost.

I trust that the Master has things well in hand, is sovereign in all things - big or small - that He "works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called to His purpose". Maybe there's something way bigger at work than my own, little set of circumstances. Perhaps I'm just a small part of a much bigger plan; of that I'm sure, though I may never see the end result.

I hope that even when I do fail, I walk my journey with compassion, empathy, patient endurance, humility, integrity, and courage. I want that to define me.

One last thought: Maybe it's all in how we define failure... maybe those things others see as failures are really times when I've shown courage and strength instead - only the Master really knows my heart after all.

*Please don't hear me say that making others happy is not a worthy goal - obviously, it is. That's just not my point here.