Focusing In...

I've spent the majority of my life unaware; of who I really am more than I care to admit. What? You're over 50 and still don't know who you are, you ask? Yeah, well, I suspect there are many out there just like me. We just plod through life knowing ourselves at a certain level but not always taking time to really deeply examine ourselves. Sure, I have likes and dislikes and certain groups where I feel more comfortable. I have my own opinions about things, though many times it's hard to put them into clear terms.

I don't have a very outgoing personality, so it's been easy for me to adapt to those around me - you know, just slip into a group and remain in the background. And that's not all bad necessarily. Being adaptable is a positive thing, right? Well, so long as I don't lose sight of who I am in the process. I've always had my own opinions, but tend not to share them with many if at all. Just shy, I've always said. Perhaps that's more of an excuse than reality. I'm also very hard on myself when spending time in introspection - often blaming myself and excusing others' to the point of enabling.

Well, I've committed myself to spend some serious time defining myself in clear, concise terms. So, concrete me decided to see how others had done that very thing - modeling is a good thing, after all. I came across several sites that gave me what I was looking for (see, others struggle with the same thing!), really just some guidelines to help me organize my thoughts.

So, here's what I've narrowed it down to so far - a list of descriptors that I think describe me most of the time:


strong in my faith
loyal
honest
trustworthy
reliable
stubborn
more of a follower rather than a leader
background support
growing in compassion
tightly wound
seeker of wisdom
introspective
half empty in my view of things
flexible
open minded (this has not always been true)
sense of humor
with integrity
protective
modest (tend to sell myself short)
emotional
forgiving
not the most trusting
consistent
patient
genuine
intelligent
moderately creative

I had to let go of my tendency to downplay the positive - it's actually refreshing to openly admit positive qualities. Hmm...

So, I've made a beginning. There's definitely more to come...

"The authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core. It is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents and wisdom. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you are supposed to be and do." Dr. Phil

*photo courtesy of Hendel D'bu